thank you, universe

There was a long period of time, there, that I wasn't noticing the simple things.  Five years to be exact.  Funny how those five years coincided with the time I spent at my last employer...

It's not surprising.  I spent the last couple years of my 20's and the better part of my 30's feeling sick.  I'm sure all the sordid details of that will come out over time, but the important thing is by 2005/2006 I was feeling good again.  Really good!  Hell, I was looking good, too, which I'm sure also contributed to how good I felt.

I started what will heretofore be known as the SSJ (soul-sucking job) in January of 2006.  I weighed somewhere around 135 lbs, did yoga regularly, walked just about everywhere and felt awesome. 
I took the SSJ because I was pursued for it.  I didn't quite understand why at the time, but once I started doing it, I found out I was really good at the SSJ.  Once I realized that, I thought maybe they saw something in me that I hadn't seen, which probably explains at least part of my determination to keep the SSJ when any sane person would have seen all the flashing neon signs that IT. HAD. CHANGED. ME.

Five years late and I'm (horrified to admit I am...) 185 lbs, aching all over, feeling bloated and fat and sick and disgusting.  I had stopped paying attention and didn't bother to notice that while I was trying to prove myself this job was killing me with stress and worry and no reward worth any of it.

But that's not really the point.  I mean, it's part of the point--it's part of the reason I'm thankful to be in a better place, embarking on a new course of action where I actually treat my body kindly--but it's not the whole point so we'll leave my self-disgust for now and go back to why I'm loving the universe.

I'm feeling high on the diet changes I've made, really awesome.  I have so much more energy and though I know it's going to take time, I also know this is really going to change me and help me get back to the same state before the SSJ where I just felt really, really good.

Something happened today that was just a 'what the fuck' moment--I feel so good and positive all around that I'm actually really, really mad that anything is impinging.  I don't usually use social networking to complain, but posted the innocuous 'just breathe' or something as a vent.  Rachel liked it.

Rachel is just what I needed to get back to my previously happy place.  The best part is I don't even have to gush and gush about how amazing this woman is and how she always seems to say the right thing at the right time.  You can figure that out all yourself because I just added her blog to my list.

That was a convoluted explanation without much of a payoff in the end, wasn't it?  Ha.  It's a good thing no one is reading this blog yet because I don't really care.  I just needed a place to say that I'm happy the universe sent me Rachel's vibes today.